


Greener Pastures (A Mystery Never Meant to be Solved)

by iwillwalk500miles



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Eventual Relationships, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, POV First Person, Romance, Sad Backstory, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, and her brother - Freeform, and her family - Freeform, and her grandma, did someone order sad sole survivor?, is that an actual plot? It is!, it's the nuclear apocalypse what do you expect???, more angsty than a realistic harry potter fanfiction, no? oops, nobody knows whats actually happening, piper is oblivious, she just misses everyone? even that one guy who yelled at her for parking crazy, sole is oblivious, sole misses her husband, sole's name is cornelia mico
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-07-22
Packaged: 2020-02-10 03:09:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18651670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwillwalk500miles/pseuds/iwillwalk500miles
Summary: Being frozen in cryogenic vault was so not on my bucket list, neither was watching my husband die, my son get kidnapped, or waking up two hundred years after the bombs fell.And Piper wonders why I'm such a jerk to people.---"i can do impressions too, watch-" piper puffs out her chest, and adopts a much deeper voice, "sometimes I look at myself, and I realize I haven't been enough of an asshole today""that's a terrible impression of me, piper""nah I think it's pretty spot on, blue"---Cornelia Mico knows tragedy, so understand she didn't take it well when she found out there were a couple more definitions than she realized.





	1. when i was younger, i used to draw battlefields

When I was younger, I used to draw battlefields. I really liked to for some reason or another. It was nice, being able to control the aspects of war and rage and all the impossible things that I felt like I had known. Isn’t that kind of funny? Knowing war when you’re five? I thought it was, but my mom didn’t feel the same way. Than again, when your kid is spouting details about the wars she’s never been in, you could only assume the worst.

Anyway, I didn’t know how to draw very well, I was only in elementary school after all. I knew that I couldn’t draw, but all the adults never told me so. They only encouraged me to do more. I thought that was stupid. 

“I’m not good at it anyway so why should I even try?”

I said that, but still drew my battlefields. It was fun being godlike, being like the one person who controls everything and anything. I didn’t believe in God when I was a kid. I pretended to, for my grandma mostly. She was a hardcore catholic chick. She’s got angels all over her house- angels hanging from the rafters, strewn up from their chubby porcelain necks and feet and wings.

Cherubs on the walls, cherubs on the mirrors. Thankfully, no cherubs in the bathrooms. (God can see everything! But angels can’t- get those fuckers out of the toilet room!)

Anyhow, God- didn’t believe in the guy (or girl, I know people like to think that too). Sure I went to church every Easter, got my ashes on ash Wednesday, pretended to swear off of candy but snuck myself a chocolate anyway. The thing about it though, was that I had never said that I believed in God, and nobody had ever asked me.

But then someone did. Predictably, it went terrible.

“Nelly, do you believe in God?” He asked, his lips protruding around the g-word.

I blinked, “What kind of shit question is that?” 

My brother (Julius, I called him Jules) pouted, this was a weird pocket in time for the both of us. Mom had always told us to stick together, that we would only have each other in the world. My brother believed her immediately. I didn’t. I had my friends didn’t I? I had Brooklyn and Tara and Christian and Alan. And I had Moses and even Brooklyn’s older brother Josh. I had friends, I had people that laughed with me and at me and at other things.

I hadn't realized yet my mom was right. Not yet. But I had just realized that the definitions between family and friend were different, so I wasn’t such an asshole to my brother anymore. (Still partly shitty though, but it’s big sister code- what can you do?)

“Nelly?” He asks, his eyes curious. We were facing each other, both locked in the dark of the punishment room. His features were frightened. 

“Yes.” It was the first time I lied about it, and it felt so wrong to. So I took it back, “Wait no. No I don’t.”

“You don’t?”

“I haven’t ever-” I said wrapping a cold comforter around the two of us, “-But that’s a secret, don’t tell mom.” He snuggled into me, just a little bit.

“I won’t, promise.”

Telling him this, like telling him most things- had consequences. My brother plays dirty, when he was younger he had the decency to act sweet. Now he’s just plain wack. Holding the things I’ve told him over my head like it was supposed to mean something. I didn’t do that to him with the big secrets. Not once. But we have different honor systems.

I would hold the stuff that seemed trivial, like how he didn’t feed the dogs so he had to throw away the apple core I was eating while he was in my room. Or, more recently, he played video games in my room- he shuts the fuck up the entire time, and brings me food if he gets up.

That’s all I asked of him though. He was different, he went for the throat every time. 

“I’ll tell mom about your girlfriend/boyfriend.”

“I’ll tell mom you smoked weed.”

“I’ll tell mom you hate everyone in the family.”

Even though his requests were small, help him with chores, let him stay in my room when Mike was around (mom's stupid boyfriend), more time on the game system, ect. Every time he just pissed me off more. (One thing you’ll learn quick- I have a lot of issues, anger being one of them.)

Eventually, like everyone in the family, I’d snap and then we’d go back to hating each other. But eventually we’d get over it, whether it was minutes later or even weeks, we always got over it. 

Even when I married Joshua, when everything's shit, we still get over it. I really love him for it, and it’s the same for him. He tells me some of his problems just how I tell him some of mine. It’s not all that healthy because we both had stuff we couldn't get over, and ideas that were notoriously bad- but it worked for us, and I will always be thankful for him.

Girls are a big thing bonding the both of us. Mainly because we both like them. The difference though, is that I like boys too- Jules doesn’t. It didn't stop me from teasing him though, it’s fun when he gets all offended ‘n stuff.

“Now being gay is okay ‘n all- just don’t fucking call me that when my mic is on, my friends can hear!”

Not that I stop or anything, and I’m pretty sure his friends think I’m pretty cool. Well not cool, per say- after all big sisters aren’t cool. Apparently they’re supposed to be annoying and overbearing…. Shit. Well whatever, they all at least tolerate me because I’m not afraid to call my brother gay or a fag or whatever- even though I shouldn’t. 

That isn't the point anyway, the point was I drew battlefields when I was younger, before I met my now dead husband Josh, before Shaun was kidnapped, before I was exposed to a nuclear fallout. I drew war, and I didn't believe in god- what I didn't know at the time, what I still have trouble wrapping my head around- was the fact I would have to lean on the two things I found myself thinking of when I was five.

It hasn't sunk in yet, not as Codsworth floats about, rambling about missing dinner, not as Preston whispers in that rough voice of his about helping people I've never even met before, not as Joshua's ring- the one I put on my left ring finger, stays eternally cold. It hasn't sunk in yet, the fact that my brother is dead, that my grandmother's house- the one with the cherubs and the crosses and the churches, has been saturated with flame and radiation.

All I can think about, all I know- is that I used to draw battlefields, and God help my son.

___

The journey to Diamond City is perilous. Gunfire and blood, the smell of sweat and the sickly feel of constant radiation. Before the bombs dropped, I liked to think I was a pretty slick gal- big time public defender, going against the corrupt courts one case at a time. Made for quick wit, good eye at body language. I liked to think I was pretty savvy when it came to people, when they were prepping to go hostile or emotional.

One day in the wasteland proved me wrong.

Everyone, and I mean everyone- was prepared to shoot you through the skull just for a bit of scrap or ammo. Even when I did the so-called right thing, a gun was waved in my face a bat aimed for my head, just because I had dared to walk a bit too close to the caravan for comfort. It was worse for me than anyone else I think, because of the dusty pip-boy on my arm and the shiny blue vault suit I skipped around in.

Thankfully, some of the armor I managed to scavenge from some of the 'raiders' covered up my back- making it impossible to tell what Vault I actually came from. Made some of the 'alright folk' think twice about packing me with lead- or whatever bullets were made out of these days.

I managed inside the city alright, avoiding weird zombie creatures and huge hulk-like reptile looking assholes. The gun from the vault I had, some pistol that Joshua would have known the exact history off, had long since been abandoned- traded for some homemade pipe rifle type and Dogmeat (a nice little german shepard I met that made me cry because of the sheer normalcy he represented) had brought me some ammo and some inhaler looking thing, when I noticed it.

Diamond City was actually a shanty town made out of my sister-in-law's favorite baseball park. My interests never included a sport like baseball, but even I (more likely to be found on a football field or soccer match) could see the absolute injustice of it. I recoiled, the sight of men in umpire outfits and bats they called 'swatters' making me miss ragging on Josh about the absolute pointlessness of baseball while he laughed and swore up and down his son would be a first baseman.

If only, I thought wryly, in this world my son would probably use a bat to knock off some poor monsters head than an actual ball. That of course, is if I actually found him before whoever that man that had taken him killed him or something.

I was never a positive thinker. Clearly that personality trait bled into the new and improved 'apocalypse' version of me.

My face was affixed into a permanent grimace, avoiding the guards attempts at diplomacy, when I saw her.

Her face was flushed, her hands a flurry of exasperated movement, a long red leather trench coat, and a smashed looking old press cap. She was the biggest surprise I've had since I was unfrozen.

For some reason all I could think about when I escaped the vault were that people like I knew them no longer existed, could no longer survive in a world like I lived in. This woman, for the two seconds I had known her, proved me wrong and I fell half in love with her for it.

I remember something from a book I read, the main character said something like when a girl does something pretty it's easy to fall half in love with them- but for me, it was the fact that she could do something so normal and shake the very foundation I had survived on so far. The desire to know her, to talk to her and help her- was overwhelming, and I suddenly hoped that she would turn and greet me like an old friend, perhaps ask how my day was or badmouth whoever was giving her trouble in the little speaker she was yelling into.

But it was no good, approaching this woman wouldn't be a good idea, my husband had just died- how old was his body? It hadn't even occurred to me if I had woken up the same day as that man had put a bullet into his skull.

A great deal of shame stopped me from greeting the woman, and a part of me wondered what I was about to miss out on because of it.

Just as I had made peace with the fact that I would never see this woman again, she called out to someone.

"Hey- Hey you!" Her voice was raspy and low, reminding me of those old movie cliches about woman in the 1950's.

To be frank, it took me a second to realize she was talking to me. "Uh, I mean- yes?" Not the most elegant answer.

"Looking to get into Diamond City? Follow my lead-"

"What-?"

"-Oh so you're a trader up from Quincy? With enough stock to fill the general store for months? Hear that Danny? Want to be the one to tell everyone you missed out on all these supplies?"

"-Jeez Piper," a young man's voice squeaked out through the speaker, "no need to make it personal."

'Piper' grinned, the freckles splattered across the bridge of her nose and cheeks becoming more pronounced when she directed that beaming smile towards me. "Welcome to Diamond City-!" She started breathlessly, gesturing towards the large gate that started to open up, "-Get ready."

I raised an eyebrow, maybe I should have waited until she was gone before trying to get into the city.

"Right." I said, "Ladies first."

It was her turn to look skeptical, but she hopped towards the now open entrance without another word towards me, wordlessly conveying her slight annoyance. 

I found myself grinding my teeth, I didn't have time to be trusting and kind- Shaun was still out there, and I wouldn't rest until I found what had happened to him, found the man that murdered Josh- who had arguably been the love of my life. That didn't mean I wouldn't feel bad about the people I meet along the way.

Walking into the shanty town's entrance, I didn't quite know what to expect. Guns pointed at me, spiked bats, maybe a hulking machine gun and the threat to walk away before I turned to swiss cheese. I certainly did not expect a seedy looking man in a shabby suit to be arguing with the woman in front of me. 

Honestly, it was hard not to just erupt into laughter, because the entire situation was absolutely ridiculous.

Imagine it like this, a round man with a huge silly mustache (the kind that belonged to a man who piloted a train powered by confetti) arguing with a short woman in a shoddy press cap and trench coat about the 'freedom of the press'. It was like something out of those silly old black and white movies my younger brother made me watch.

"-how about we ask our newcomer?" I blinked, this certainly wasn't going as planned.

"I'm sorry?" My voice was had a slight squeak to it.

"The paper- my paper, what's your opinion on it?"

My brow furrowed, "A Newspaper? Those still exist?" Well at least that hat made some sense then.

Piper scoffed, "Of course it does-"

"Now now Miss Wright-" The bulbous man interrupted with mock cheer, "No need to be a bother."

"A bother?" Her shrill voice made many of the guards wince, clearly they had been on the receiving end of her wrath.

"Wait a second-" I started, a smile on my face at the ridiculousness of it, "-A newspaper, seriously, honestly, be real with me here- you aren't joking? I want to read it, where can I get it? What's it about ma'am? Has it got a sports section, lotto numbers?"

She shot me a glare, and suddenly the fear for my life returned ten-fold. Perhaps a paper in the wasteland was a waste of material that could be used for something else, but it was clear Piper cared deeply for her job. 

I positioned my hands in surrender, "I meant no disrespect, but I haven't encountered something pre-war in a while- so um, sorry." My apology, while lame, did the trick. While her attention still remained on me, the fire that accompanied her eyes diminished slightly- changing from anger to curiosity in a snap.

"Well-" Piper started, preening slightly, "-I don't know what 'lotto numbers' are, and the wasteland ain't exactly much for sport- but I do write about the events and the possible threats to Diamond City, warning the people of things like Super mutant nests and the occasional raider attack or two can go a long way."

I nodded my head solemnly, loose curls falling into my eyes. "Admirable, my brother was a reporter, couldn't write for shit- but he helped a lot of people... er, back home."

Piper's eyes brightened considerably, and it was at that moment I realized I had revealed too much. Another reporter, a possible newspaper, probably a big thing when you think you're the only other person who cares about truth in the Commonwealth.

"Right-" The man cleared his throat, a glint of boredom and annoyance in his eyes, "-what brings you to Diamond City?"

The smile melted off of my face. I had almost forgotten, and a warm ball of shame made a home in my ribs.

"Missing person." I replied shortly, "I was told someone here could help me find someone."

The man's face paled considerably. "Yes- well, I really can't spare any of the security, we really can't help you here."

This was the guy in charge? He looked like a jerk and sounded like a coward. "Please-" I made sure my voice sounded vulnerable, tired. "A little boy is missing, he can't be more of a year old- I just want to know if anyone came here with a baby."

The mayor's face didn't change, I would have to get information another way- if not for Piper.

"Here that McDonough?" She snarled, her voice made my hair stand on end, "A baby boy is missing now? And you're still going to do nothing-!? I want the real story, Mayor, and I want it now."

McDonough's face went purple, and I found myself wondering how exactly the blood in his body moved so fast. "Piper Wright if you got any more nosy-"

Knowing a threat when I saw one, I was quick to interrupt. "Okay- Thanks for that Mayor, but is there anyone you know who might be able to help me? Surely in a city as lucrative as this, there has to be someone who specializes in things like this."

McDonough frowned for a moment, considering. "Well," he paused, "There is someone who might be able to help, a Mr. Nick Valentine, he happens to be a private eye."

"Thank you."

He nodded, expression solemn, and walked up the staircase into the shanty-town.

Piper turned to me, grin firmly in place. "Good job there, not many people can claw information out of McDonough," The green in her eyes gleamed with something I couldn't quite place, "-and now I think I have another idea for a story, stop by Publick Occurrences when you're finished with Nicky."

My mouth opened of it's own accord, ready to ask a another question about her newspaper, but she had already walked up the steps.

___

Diamond City wasn't a place I could see myself spending a lot of time in the foreseeable future. Sure, it had all the makings of one of those old western movie towns, with the lone ranger and a woman with a gun ready to protect the place- one bullet hole in the patriarchy at a time, but the place was a whole monster I wasn't ready to face. Then again, the entire world wasn't something I was ready to face.

Still, seeing an area where my family had spent anniversaries, birthdays, holidays- turned into an old rust bucket with less guns wasn't something that was pleasing to the eye.

I had no idea what to do, and neither did Dogmeat, although not for lack of trying.

The first thing I did was ask for directions to where Nick Valentine was, a couple of people looked at me strangely, eyeing my dog and vault suit with some caution, but eventually pointed out the general area for me.

It was dark and rainy the first time I ever entered the Valentine Detective Agency, and I suddenly felt for the women in the old private eye movies- it must have been hard for them, harder than it was for me for sure- at least I knew how to use a gun, knew how to fight. Though I suppose, anytime you spent outside nowadays had a lesson affixed to the experience. 

There was a woman sitting at a desk, holding an old moth eaten trench coat close to her chest, looking on the verge of actual tears. I wondered if this was the classic wonderful assistant in love with the oblivious detective cliche. I hoped not, whatever I had to do would be made difficult if I had a woman in love breathing down my neck.

"Hello?" I asked, no matter how hard I tried my voice still came out as soft. I needed to be adjective, prepared for a fight- not ready to bring a possible widow into my arms and say things like 'I get it, hon.'

The woman's head snapped upwards, her eyes were milk chocolate, and the flush in her cheeks and nose was unmistakable, she had been crying. She wiped at her eyes quickly, the tears in her eyes smudging her makeup. "Sorry- we aren't taking any new cases."

"What happened?" The concern in my voice was unstoppable, like a train running into a butterfly.

She laughed, but it sounded hollow. "Nick's got himself tangled up with Skinny Malone, I told him nothing good would come at tangling with his crew- but he didn't listen, he never listens."

"Right-" I nodded, "Where is this 'Skinny Malone'?" 

She gaped at me.

"Look er-"

"Ellie."

"Look Ellie, I need to talk to Detective Valentine, so our interests are aligned here, tell me where he went and I'll bring him back- and I'll bring up a problem I have, everyone wins, now where was he heading?"

She rubbed at her nose. "Skinny Malone is the head of a gang miss, you'll need some help."

I found myself gesturing to Dogmeat, "I have this brave guy here, I think I'm pretty set."

Ellie chewed her lip, "I meant some help that can hold a gun."

I wiggled my eyebrows, "Who says he can't?"

That got a laugh out of her, and her tears to stop flowing. "Not doubting you or anything, but still- you may want to hit up Goodneighbor, find yourself a mercenary-" She paused, rubbing her chin in thought, "-better yet, find yourself a nosy reporter."

"Piper Wright?" I winced, I had a feeling I could only handle so many invasive questions.

"Know her?" Ellie's grin turned mischievous.

I shook my head rapidly, curls flying all over the place. "Met her earlier, accidentally insulted her newspaper- may have thought up some mean things about her hat."

"Yes well, if you don't want to pay anyone, and have them do there best to help you, Piper is your best bet."

"All that for a story?" I asked skeptically.

Ellie's grin was chilling, "All that and more."

It was safe to say, I probably wouldn't be able to wiggle myself out of whatever pickle I had gotten myself into- and if I was being honest, I didn't really want to.


	2. convincing people to do things doesn't usually require an interview

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> filler chapter

Newspapers meant something to me. Julius worked for the Boston Bugle, reported about things like the war effort and the possible agenda of notorious criminals. Although he wasn't good at the writing bit, often asking me or his girlfriend to proofread it for him, nobody could compete with him when it came to the actual 'reporter' type things.

One time, he actually uncovered some giant conspiracy.

"The vault tec college-" His voice was raspy, tired, like he had been up for too long or was terribly sick. "You _have _to check it out with me."__

It took me a minute to realize what he was saying. "Vault-Tec University? The one in West Virginia?"

His hair, dark like mine, fell into his face as he rapidly nodded. "I found something Nelly, something bad."

It was hard to tell if he was serious or not- investigating a huge corporation like vault-tec was something you found on conspiracy websites. It was a hard decision to make, but I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. "What are you thinking?"

His grin reminded me of our shared childhood, he had that look like he was about to do something that would piss off our mother. "My boss is sending me to cover the debut of Vault 76, wants me to write a bit of fluff- show the people I'm not a name to be associated with sadness or something, guess what's at the bottom of the mountain where 76 is located?"

"Vault-Tec University?"

"Vault-Tec University."

Vault 76 was revealed to the public about a year before the bombs dropped, making it a perfect little pre-war relic. I wonder sometimes what happened to the residents, but I've long since decided it's easier to pretend that I didn't know some of the people who were invited to spend their time in there. But that isn't the point.

"What have you found Jules?" I think I will always remember his grin as bone chilling, as something I want to forget but never will.

"Experiments."

The road trip was relatively normal, I mean, as _normal _as it can get when you're on your way to find evidence of illegal experiments on one of the biggest corporations world wide. We didn't find much the first day in West Virginia, or the second- by the time vault 76 was about to make its debut, we had nothing.__

____

With a heavy heart, Julius hiked up the mountain to get the story on 76, while I stayed behind- feeling frustrated and annoyed. 

____

Had I really joined my brother on an eleven hour drive for nothing? It made me sick to my stomach, sure my brother was a good man- fun company, but the fact that he could risk his career for something really had it's grip on me.

____

I realized then, why Jules had brought me, being a lawyer was a _liar's _job, after all.__

____

Getting into the university was easy, almost too easy- when I managed to slip inside everything pointed to it being a trap or something. My brother hadn't really told anyone except his editor what he had discovered, still I knew if he came back empty handed he'd never be able to forgive himself. 

____

A fake smile affixed to my face, I greeted teachers and students alike, politely asking directions to places that may have leads. The professors, while slightly confused, mistook me for a student and helped me find the library and other areas meant for the college kids. The actual people who spent time learning in classes, were too bone tired and hungover to be properly suspicious- they answered every question I asked, which lead me to a particular professor's office.

____

The lock was absurdly easy to pick, even with the screwdriver I'd lifted off of the janitor and the spare bobby pin I carried around in my pocket. Getting into the terminal, however, was nearly impossible, and if I had not searched the desk for a password I never would have managed to access any of the files. Unfortunately, it seemed most of the things on the professor's hard drive was encrypted, which was just my luck.

____

I didn't even look, just downloaded everything I saw onto a holo-tape, hopefully my brother would manage to make something off it, he had always been the tech savvy one.

____

___

____

Looking back on it, I wonder why I never for a _second _doubted Vault 111, but I suppose I never had a moment to stop and think when we were practically shoved into those cryogenic pods. Could Julius have figured it out? Perhaps yell out warn the other residents, he was impulsive like that- but what would the vault workers have done to him then? Knock him out and shove his rag-doll body into one of the pods, or would they have killed him- list it as an unfortunate accident?__

____

It's hard to know, the files I found when I woke up were so impersonal, would those men and women have even hesitated if someone discovered what they were about to do?

____

At this point, it's no use dwelling on missed opportunities and 'what if's.

____

___

____

I've never been as terrified in my life, then the moment a little girl in a patched pink jacket and skirt yells to me, "You can't stop the press!"

____

Chills. Literal _chills _.__

____

"I- I don't intend too?" Not the best response to a very scary little girl, and by her narrowed eyes she knows that.

____

"Listen here lady-" _Lady? _"-I don't know what you're here for but-"__

____

"Um- I was told to come by Publick Occurrences?" I glanced up at the very bright sign affixed on top of the roof, "I _may _have the wrong place."__

____

She glares harder, and maybe using sarcasm on a little girl was ill advised. Welp, too late for a wonderful first impression. 

____

"Oh yeah definitely the wrong place-" A quick gesture to the giant sign, makes the little girl look up, "-can I have some directions?"

____

"Do you even know how to read?"

____

My mouth opens up, to tell the girl that 'yes indeed I know how to read, do you know how not to be mean?' Only to be interrupted by a raspy voice. 

____

"Nat, who's there?" The female voice calls, "I told you that if the law came a coming to start whistling!" I couldn't quite help snorting at her choice of words, if the situation I was in wasn't so perilous, everything about the world I was in would warrant a laugh and pain in my side.

____

Piper emerges from one of the doors, the scrape of metal against metal and a deep groan making the little girl cringe. 

____

I'm ashamed to admit it took me a moment to process the sight in front of me.

____

Piper Wright, short raven hair mussed to the side a factor most likely because she had been running a hand through it, press cap in her hand- meant to be thrown haphazardly onto her head, her tan skin flushed making the freckles on her face more pronounced then before, and her eyes glittering with something I used to see in the mirror. This woman cared for the little girl, 'Nat', deeply- which was fairly obvious. The surprising thing was fact that I recognized the way her eyes seemed to shine, a look familiar to sorrow.

____

She most likely believed herself a bad influence, I knew self-hatred when I saw it.

____

"Hey I know you! The vault dweller, come for that interview?"

____

My smile was a little bitter. "Not quite, I actually- I sort of need your help."

____

Piper exchanged a look with Nat.

____

That's how I found myself sitting at a rusted dinner table, being interrogated by the Wright sisters. 

____

To say I was uncomfortable would probably be an understatement, I wasn't used to being on this side of the interrogation, sure I was a public defender, I helped my client navigate the courtroom, but I never thought I would be on the receiving end of something like this.

____

"So, Skinny Malone?" Piper asked, I could almost imagine her in a leather jacket or suit, getting ready to wave a police badge in my face and ask where I was the night Nick Valentine went missing. 

___('So where you the night of the incident?' 'Oh you know, frozen alive watching my husband die- a usual Saturday night.' 'I never said Mr. Valentine went missing on a Saturday.')_ _ _

_____ _

"I don't really know who he is, only that he's got like a machine gun or something." Ellie _had _tried to brief me on the guy, but I didn't need to know anything but the fact that he was one of the men standing between me and my son.__

_____ _

Nat snorted, "And a whole league of dunces ready to copy his every move."

_____ _

" _Language _, Natalie."__

_____ _

"Sorry Piper."

_____ _

I grimaced, maybe I should've just taken Dogmeat and hoped for the best.

_____ _

Piper watched my movements with a surprisingly insightful gaze. "Right Blue, I'll help you- for a trade of sorts."

_____ _

" _Blue _?" I mumbled, where on Earth did she get that from?__

_____ _

Piper nodded absentmindedly, "It's cause you're a vault dweller, the suit- fish out of water look, it's dead give away. _So _do we have a deal or not?"__

_____ _

I rubbed at my hair. "We find Valentine, and I'll do whatever you want." It wasn't a lie, if this Nick Valentine could help me find my son, and Piper could lead me to him, I'd do just about anything to get her to help me.

_____ _

She released a satisfied hum, "Good. You're from a vault so you'd need a guide anyway, that pip-boy you have is only so good as a map- you need some real Commonwealth experience if you want to find Skinny."

_____ _

I nearly objected, I wanted to say that I've lived in Boston half my life thank you very much, and I can navigate myself through the subway better than most-- but that would be stupid and prideful, two personality traits I've never liked for myself.

_____ _

"Right." I mumbled, looking up at her through my lashes, "Thank you Miss Wright, you have no clue how much this means to me."

_____ _

Piper flushed slightly, "Oh it's nothing Blue, really I was going to go looking for him eventually-"

_____ _

I smiled softly, which seemed to strike her silent. " _Still _, a million thanks wouldn't ever be enough."__

_____ _

Josh always said I had a way with words that made him incapable of being coherent, my sway apparently affected Piper as well. I wondered if nobody thanked her often, which made me sad. Julius had mentioned being a reporter wasn't easy- having the profession now must have been a nightmare.

_____ _

We stared at each other for a moment, and for the first time of what I could already tell would be many, I became lost in her eyes- counting the green and gold flecks that surrounded her slightly dilated pupils. If all wasteland women were this beautiful, trouble wouldn't be far.

_____ _

Nat cuts of the staring contest with a rough snort, and then looks up to her sister curiously. "You're leaving again? But you just got back."

_____ _

I stand abruptly, not wanting to get into the middle of a sibling argument. "Thinking about heading out tomorrow morning- if you're coming meet me at the city gates." Rude, I know, but effective when it comes to avoiding fights. 

_____ _

Finding a place to spend the night is easier than expected, and for the first time in about a week a working shower sends actual chills down my spine. Even though the water is slightly irradiated, I spend maybe an hour soaking up and washing off the mixtures of blood and dirt. 

_____ _

Dogmeat whines curiously, making me smile. Wordless, I gesture towards the tub- which he happily leaps into cleaning the dirt off of himself. After I dry myself off and wash the different clothes I looted from various raiders in the sink, I grab an already dirty towel and help my dog get the water out of his coat.

_____ _

"There's a good boy-" He shakes his head, his tail drooping out of his mouth, "- _cutie _, go lay down on the bed, yeah? I join you in a second."__

_____ _


	3. skinny malone isn't so skinny

When I was younger, I was utterly fascinated by bullets. Strange, admittedly, but the ammunition of rifles and pistols interested me. Perhaps it was because of all the television shows that romanced the use of them, the comics- a personal favorite being 'The Silver Shroud'. Joshua never liked that show, and his distaste became more known after he came back from war.

Still, when I was younger- I  _wanted_  a bullet. That's what I wanted, I would put it on a cord and wear it all around- I'd hang it from my bed post at night, like protection.

So when I was older, I went out, bought one, and wore it for all the months leading to my husband's deployment. On the day he had to leave, kissed him gentle like and gave him my bullet.

"Keep this close to your heart," I whispered against his shoulder, "The bullets won't even  _think_  about going near you if you already have one."

It was the first time I remember not wanting a bullet with me, if only it would protect him.

When he came back, it was a surprise. My brother was in the kitchen keeping me company, I had gotten a letter saying Joshua had been injured, that a bullet had grazed his face and another had entered his heart. I don't remember much about that day- only that my eyes kept burning and tearing up at the sound of his name.

"What if he doesn't come back?" For all my bravado, the way I teased my husband about he better come home or I'd march up there and kill him myself, I was so very worried.

Jules hugged me for a second, before pulling back. "He'll come back." He said before mumbling something under his breath.

My laugh was watery. I had no doubt my brother was threatening Josh quietly so I wouldn't hear him describing in graphic detail what he'd do to him.

The ring of a doorbell separated me from Julius. "Shut up-" I walked towards the front door, "-you suck." His laughter at may lame comeback was slightly mocking, but I couldn't find myself caring, because standing in front of me was Josh.

Joshua Mico was a handsome man. He wasn't 'traditionally' manly. His body was actually quite slim. His shoulders, although broad, were defined and bony- making him smaller than someone like Julius (who had thick shoulders and thighs) but bigger than me. His eyes were golden brown, Joshes eyes often reminded me of a sunrise, and at the time I was disappointed I never got to tell him. His nose was sharp, long and framed a bit crooked on his face, and his mouth was a permanent pout. His hair was the color of his eyes, glints of gold streaked through soft brown hair, gelled up and to the left.

There was a bandage around his head, covering his left ear, and bruises mottled his right eye and side of his face.

He was dashing in his uniform, but I couldn't take my eyes off of his face, the purple and blues and greens of a fight distracting me from the man in front of me.

"It's nice to know you're alive," My voice was soft, "But did you really have to go and get your pretty face pound in?"

I will always carry his smile with me, that and the two bullets he pulled from under his shirt. (The one I had given him, impaled with a smaller foreign looking one.)

* * *

 

"Do you always just scowl like that?" Piper asks, breathless. She's hidden behind a large piece of concrete, her voice is quiet as to not warn the giant ninja turtles.

(Piper said they were called Super-mutants, but Ninja Turtles sounded better to me.)

"Like what?" I whispered back, shooting her a look, "Also- talking may get us killed so choose your questions wisely, yeah?" Dogmeat wolfs in agreement, making me send him a fond smile. "Good boy!"

She rolled her eyes, and I fought the urge to yell at one of the Ninja Turtles.  _'She'd taste better! She's a fresh steak and I'm a T.V. dinner!'_

Not one of my best ideas.

"There!" Piper points to my face, "A smile!"

Said smile becomes strained. "I've smiled at you before."

"Not like you smile at him." She points to Dogmeat, who lays next to me his head tilted to the side- watching our conversation with interest.

"That's because he's a good boy." I say flatly, making my voice stoic, before beaming down at the him, "Aren't you?"

His tail wags excitedly, a quiet yip his response to my question. He gestures to the building, now devoid of any Super-mutants and bounds towards the direction of the subway.

Piper raises an eyebrow, "He hasn't even done anything yet."

I lift my chin slightly, "Dogmeat deserves recognition for not being a human, plus his avoidance of radiation."

"What did they feed you in that vault?" She mumbles, "Better yet who the hell raised you? We have words to exchange."

"Let's just say they had an  _ice_  time." Was the pun a bit much? Probably, but Piper didn't know what I was talking about and I was the only person alive who could remember time in the vault, so I think I'm allowed to joke about it a little.

"That doesn't even make any sense." She huffed.

"It does." I mumbled, "Alright hurry and follow me- Dogmeat is being stealthy, means that someone is still around."

I crept forward, examining my surroundings carefully. Gesturing for Piper to follow, I hurried down the path to Park Street station. 

When I had been waiting for her to show up earlier that day, she'd appeared with a frazzled Ellie Perkins in tow. After lecturing me on the proper way to 'not get your fucking head blown off'- she made Ellie repeat all the information she'd given me the day before. 

_("You can't go running off into the wasteland half-cocked-" Piper had scolded, "-that's just how you get yourself killed, get your friends killed." The way she glanced at Dogmeat after that last part made me swear off not paying attention to people, I couldn't care less about my own well being- but touch even a hair on my dog's head and we'd have problems.)_

"Right," I whispered to Piper, absentmindedly petting Dogmeat, "We'll sneak in try and find Mr. Valentine, Ellie said they had machine guns so here-" I handed her a shotgun with sights, "Just in case things get a bit to hairy for a ten millimeter, oh and we I'm doing the whole stealth thing so here-" I handed her a bat.

Piper, although doing this whole wasteland thing longer than me, looked extremely out of her element with the bat and shotgun in her arms. "You know how to shoot a shotgun right?" I asked her, watching her strap the bad into her belt but look at the powerful gun like it had told her something rude.

"I do." Her eyes were narrowed, "Just not used to them, Blue."

I nodded hesitantly, a small smile on my face, "Right-  _That's_  why you're holding it wrong."

After a quick lesson in all things shotgun, we were ready to roll.

I turned to Dogmeat, who whined sadly, "Sorry buddy- but you better head back to Sanctuary, Preston needs a guard dog, and Mama Murphy may be missing you, so be safe."

The German Shepard seemed to nod in understanding, with one last lick to my hand and a nuzzle into Piper, Dogmeat headed back the way we came.

Piper watched the dog go with no small amount of hesitation. "Why did you do that?"

I didn't have the heart to tell her the truth, that Dogmeat meant more to me than my life did, so I lied. "I'm attempting a bit of stealth, he's well trained, but its best we be careful." When Piper nodded, I readied the suppressed pistol I'd looted from a mercenary. "Right then, let's go save a damsel."

It was one of those cases where 'easier said than done' was the best term that fit the situation.

"Stealth?!" Piper called out shooting her pistol without looking in an attempt to scare the triggermen.

"How was I supposed to know there'd be a man guarding the door?" I yelled, throwing a handmade wooden knife into one of the men's chest.

"I don't know-" Piper brought her bat down on the last enemy's skull, yanking my knife out of the man's chest. "-maybe common sense? Or you know- actually  _having_  a dog to sniff out the bad guys?"

"You're going to give me shit about this the entire time we're down here aren't you?" I rasped, taking one of the discarded machine guns. "I thought it was a good idea-"

"- _It was_   _not_ -"

"- _and_  acted accordingly."

Piper snorted, making me laugh. 

It was funny, covered in dust and blood and something that I didn't want to think about, I was having a laugh at Piper and her complaining. I reached up around my neck, my left arm splayed downward, lightly gripping a dirty machine gun, and held onto my bullet necklace (where me and my husband's wedding rings now lay.)

" _Well_ -" My voice tight with laughter, "-Let's go, don't want your nagging to kill me before a machine gun."

"I don't  _nag_ -"

She was cut off by my happy giggles, and a small glance her way made me see she was trying not to smile.

The way down to the vault was filled with different triggermen, and we finally made it to the vault doors (a little shaken, a little wounded) when it came to me. "Hey Piper?"

"Yeah Blue?"

"I have, like, a million questions for you." ( _Does bread still exist? Does everyone have asthma, is that why they used those inhaler things? I don't like pickles much, have they been extinct for the past two-hundred years? Why does that one cow I saw earlier have two heads? Does she know a biologist I can talk to about these things? How does she get her hair to do that cute little flip thing?)_

"That's something we have in common."

Finding Nick Valentine is a little easier than expected, all Piper and I had to do was kill a lot of second rate mafia members, and then watch as he messed with the head of a guy called 'Dino' (with a name like that, he was asking for it.)

"Piper?" He asked when the two of us hurried up to where he was being held in. 

_Oh my god he's **robocop**._

The man, if he could even be called a  _man_ , had gray fraying skin- a patch missing from his neck and cheeks to reveal wires and machinery. His eyes glowed yellow in the dim vault lights, and his shabby looking fedora made me swallow a laugh. I could take almost nothing seriously in this new world (except for the occasional gunshot wound and my missing son) but the fact that Nick Valentine could be compared to  _robocop_  of all things just kicked me in the stomach over and over again.

He glanced at me for a moment, taking in my flushed cheeks and tight smile, "Just say it kid."

"Robocop!" I giggled, "It's a pleasure really."

He blinked. "I didn't-" He shakes his head, shot me a haunted grin, "It's been a  _long_  time since I heard a joke like that."

Piper looked between us, "Yeah okay- maybe let's get you out of here before I ask about that."

I turned towards the terminal and groaned. "I hate these things!" I whispered, "Good thing Jules insisted on a lesson or two." 

It took me a minute to hack into the computer, the entire time with Piper looking over my shoulder. Her arm brushed against mine once or twice, her hair falling onto my shoulder, distracting me. Thankfully, Nick (who had noticed my slightly flushed cheeks) called her over to ' _talk_ ', whatever that meant.

"Nioce." I mumbled when the security door opened, I noticed a vault-tec bobble head on the desk behind Nick, who had surged forward to thank us. I grabbed the collectible and nodded in Piper's direction, "Let's get out of here."

We managed out alright, until we ran into a thrift store version of the Godfather.

"Nicky? What're you doin? You come into my house, shoot up my guys- do you have any idea how much this gonna set me back?" He rasps, a cigar dangling from his lips. 

He wears an old-school pinstripe suit and matching fedora, his shoes (although caked in what looks like blood) are shiny. He looked the type of man who cares for his appearance, despite the overall seediness of his personality.

Nick narrows his eyes, "I wouldn't be here if it weren't for your two-timing dame, Skinny. You ought to tell her to write home more often."

"Burn!" I whisper to Piper excitedly, who rolls her eyes in response

"Aww-" The girl next to Skinny and his minions crooned, "Poor little Valentine.  _Ashamed_  you got beat up by a girl? I'll just run back home to daddy shall I?"

I winced, the lady wasn't winning any awards for nice-ness anytime soon.

"Should've left it alone Nicky," Skinny says dismissively, "This ain't the neighborhood. In this Vault, I'm king of the castle you hear me? And I ain't letting some private dick shut us down now that I finally got a good thing goin!"

"I  _told_  you we should have just  _killed him!_ "

It was at this point I was done hearing these people talking. "Yo babe- Can you tone it down? You're at an eleven, I need you like at five  _max_."

The girl, 'Darla', (Piper became very disappointed in me when I admitted later that I hadn't listened to a word Nick said about his situation) glared at me. "Excuse me?"

"You're excused," I yawned nonchalantly, "head home- if you have to fake  _psychotic_  for this guy he isn't the one for you." 

She opened her mouth to respond, but was cut of by her mobster boyfriend.

"Darla I'm handling this- Skinny Malone always has things under control, as for you," He glared at me, "You leave her alone."

I rolled my eyes. "Look here bootleg Godfather, I don't have time for your bullshit- so lay 'em out and measure 'em or let us leave, I have better things to do than talk to an asshole with a pet dumb-ass." Nick tried not to snort, only to fail massively.

"Blue-" Piper warned me, but I was tired, I just wanted to head back to Sanctuary and give Dogmeat a hug.

"Look- Let us go dude, I've had it up to here with your theatrics, so what's it going to be?" 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	4. the promise land

"What the _hell_ was that?"

I grit my teeth, walking into Diamond City without Piper saying something about my behavior was probably too much to hope for. "Hmm?"

"Skinny Malone." She says as way of explanation, "What was with you?"

In retrospect, perhaps threatening a mob boss was not the best option available in that situation. In any case, my sass to Skinny Malone actually did some good, and my indifference to Darla (while that made her annoyed with me) somehow managed to convince her to follow Nick back to her parents. A win win for everyone involved, everyone except Skinny Malone, who no longer has any money, men, or (funnily enough) love.

"I was--" I thought for a moment, "--emotionally compromised with the matter at hand." How lawyerly of me, a part of me (the part that loved being a public defender) winced at the dismissal of Piper's concern, the other part of me (a side that did almost  _anything_ to make sure my client got the best deal) felt nothing but contempt for her curiosity.

Even though Piper had never an experience with a tight-lipped lawyer, she certainly acted like every reporter I've ever met. 

"How exactly? What happened, you had a cool head and then you swapped personalities with some opposite you or whatever!" Piper sputtered.

"What a way with words you have Miss Wright."

"Don't be an ass." Her voice spoke of finality, "Are you going to keep avoiding the question?"

"Are you going to ask me one?"

"You know what I'm trying to tell you." Her boots made noise up the stone steps and then down the metal ones.

I groaned aloud, Piper took that as permission to make a grab for my shoulder, it was easy to shrug her off and then speed forward. 

What question exactly was she asking of me? What did she expect me to say? 

There was nothing I  _could_ say, nothing that would make any sense to Piper-- but there was something I could do.

My back had been turned to her the entire time, so I spun around quick, walking towards her. Piper, who had not expected my sudden change of direction stumbled, her boots click-clacking in her trip backward. My arm reached out on instinct, steadying her shoulder.

My eyes remained on her shocked wide ones, silent and steady. I conveyed my regret in my expression the best I could, and hoped she could find the words of how I felt for the both of us.

"What-?" She whispered, and I was thankful that night had fallen about an hour ago or the shanty-town would be filled with bystanders that could see the two of us.

Even though my action was only meant to stem her flow of questions, something else lingered in the atmosphere. It was dark, but I could still count the gold and green flecks of her eyes, the freckles that spread across her nose and cheeks. Blood rushed to my ears, the pounding of my heart drowning out the sounds of city life and buzz of night. My lungs seemed to stutter, so I dropped my arm to my side-- unfortunately it did little to stop shortness of air in my lungs.

Who is this woman, and why am I reacting this way?

"What do you want from me?" I asked, my hair stood on end.

"I just want to know." She responded, voice a whisper.

We stood there for a minute, debating what to do next.

"I need to head back." I whispered, "I'll return soon, just until Nick is okay."

Piper stared. She stared and stared and _stared_ \--

I found myself looking away, I could not bare the weight of her gaze any longer as her eyes made me feel as I was under interrogation. 

It was the first of many times I found myself moving away from the enigma that is Piper Wright, and yet I caught myself feeling as if that small scared feeling her eyes made me believe that the feeling of being interrogated would never go away.

 

\---

 

_Whenever a mutant hound dies a part of me goes with it. They are irradiated, mostrous, and so hungry for the warmth of blood and meat and taste the stink of death-- so for five seconds, I do not feel as though my soul splits, but the second it is done something changes. The noise they make is a whimper, one of a regular dog._

_I never had the stomach for hunting, never had the stomach for much of anything. With the mirelurks and the mole rats and everything else it's so easy, even for people, for raiders and mercenaries._

_I fear I may die one day because I'll be too lost in that feeling of hurting a dog, because that's what it is, that I'll fail to notice an enemy sneaking up behind me._

 

\---

 

Diamond City was still standing, waiting for me, when I returned, Dogmeat with me. Piper on the other hand, was not the same.

I should have expected it, we hadn't exactly left things on the best of terms, but still a cold ball of _something_ made its home beneath the weight of my ribs. It had been a week since I was last in this city, a week filled with helping settlers and slaughtering raider camps-- a week of being called ' _general_ ' and stared at with something akin to worship and happiness. If I was being honest, all the attention I received was down-right dizzying, but I knew that the people of the commonwealth needed all the help they could get, and if the reinstatement of the minutemen could help them, then damn right you can find me at the very center of it.

I did feel a little guilty, however, because I was creating an army for my son, not because I selflessly wanted to help people. The ulterior motive and the negative emotions that came with it just made me work harder, one of the reasons I was slightly early for my scheduled visit to Diamond City.

A simple 'hello' to Danny Sullivan, one of the guards, and I was on my way inside.

Greeted by the large 'Publick Occurrences' sign when walking into Diamond City caused an odd ball of emotion to lodge it's way into my stomach. I didn't know what exactly I was feeling, but I knew it couldn't be good if it felt this _bad_.

I was never very good at identifying emotions. 

 Piper is angry. Mad at the world or me I truly cannot tell, but it still feels pretty bad nonetheless. I know we hadn't known each other long, but faced with the possibility that she would never again look upon me with friendship was positively bone chilling.  
  
Was I truly at fault here? Yes, yes I can only imagine that I was-- that I am to blame for her blatant disappointment in my actions. Did I really do something so terrible? Yes. No. Perhaps I don't have as much clarity to this situation as I'd like to pretend.  
  
Nat, aggressive as she was, seemed blissfully unware to the more than awkward situation with her sister, and sent me right inside Publick Occurrences.  
  
"Hello?" I called from the threshold of what looked like the living room. "Er, Piper?" I spotted her finally, working on an old printing press with a comically large wrench. I noticed her trademark red leather trench coat discarded on a beaten up couch.  
  
I could not tell whether she was ignoring me or not.  
  
"Piper-?" I was cut off by a loud sigh.  
  
It was something oddly intimate, just watching her wipe the ink stains from her hands and slowly pack away tools. She adjusted her hat pointedly, brushing the small slip of paper that said, "press" and pushing her hair out of her face. She turned to me then, faced me and just looked-- searching for something I didn't know of I wanted her to find.  
  
"I don't know what I did wrong." It slips from my mouth before she could say anything. "Can you tell me?"  
  
Her smile is soft and sad. "You're from a vault right?" At my rapid nodding, she sighed. "Don't they normally supposed to teach you pre-war morals or something?"  
  
A sudden rush of bitterness kept me from answering. Instead, I looked down, staring at my feet-- making my vision sway. "I wouldn't know." I said suddenly, "My experience wasn't exactly normal."  
  
I think back to Preston's face when I told him I used to live in Sanctuary, that man's face couldn't get more awestruck. I already knew I didn't want Piper to look at me like that, like I was a relic worth preserving, a woman worth a thousand-- a general.  
  
I like to think I'd die a happy death if Piper never knew who I truly was.  
  
Happy maybe, but never satisfied.  
  
I swallowed. "I'll tell you all about it--" I tried for a desperate smile, "--later though."  
  
Her fingers drummed the old printing press, "Later though." A promise. One I intended to keep.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	5. the second subject's revenge

He doesn't deserve to live. It's the first thing I can think of when I hear that the man who took my son was here-- Diamond City, with _my_ boy. The very idea of Shaun being ten years old is a punch in the gut and a shake of the brain. Nothing made sense anymore, not since we were all but shoved into those pods... Jules would have been able to understand my rage, would have been able to thrive on it, would have encouraged me to get up and _do_ something.  
  
Valentine on the other hand, wants me to calm down. His pacifism sickens me.  
  
"Getting a hot head isn't going to get you anywhere but a shallow grave," he says to me, haunted yellow eyes disproving, "we need to get into his old home--"  
  
He goes over some semantics, goes over things that seem ultimately _useless_ compared to the simple fact that Kellogg has taken my boy. Everything that follows breaking into Kellogg's home passes in a blur, a adrenaline filled rush with my heart beating simply because he had _Shaun_ \-- a part of my husband and a part of me made in a world where none of it seemed to matter anymore. Shaun, Joshua would tell me to live, say that a dead mother helps _nothing_. He would tell me not to get revenge, or to spite the people who took his life, he would tell me to find a way to save our son, and be done with it-- live life as if one of the most important pieces that accompanied my decent into matrimony.

Julius would tell me something different.

My brother would tell me to take those fuckers for all they were worth, tell me to rip and tear the institute to the ground for even daring to look at my son, for even thinking about keeping him from me. Julius would burn that place to the ground, kill everyone who stood in his way, and be home in time for dinner.

Joshua would do different.

My husband would learn, calculate, and plan. He would use his bleeding heart as an unknown advantage, accidentally recruiting soldiers and assassins to follow him in the quest to save his son and everyone else he possibly could.

Julius was always war bound.

Joshua was always the relief team.

What did that make me? Who did that make me? I could never tell, and right now was no different. Was I like my love? Desperate and yearning, helpful and kind? Was I like my flesh and bone? Ruthless and disinterested, gentle and loving? Or was I something else entirely, something worse than my brother's rage and husband's selfishness. 

I had time to learn, just until Kellogg was on his knees in front of me, just until he told me about my son, almost almost _almost_ \--

It was time.

Following Dogmeat to where the man was hiding out was easy, so was fighting through synth, and even avoiding the traps that Kellogg had set for us. As his voice pleaded with me to turn back, going from taunting to understand without so much as a blink of an eye, my smile became colder and colder-- crazier and crazier. 

Nick placed a cold hand on my shoulder at the last door, a silent plea, a gentle reminder. 

A part of me wishes I would have listened to it.

Killing Kellogg was surprisingly easy. Sure, he had that stupid stealth boy he used to hide behind his synths and cower behind the mass amount of old computers, but it never really did him much good. Eventually he was right where I wanted him, on his knees, a slightly scared smirk on his smug face. 

"Where's my son?"

"I already told you I don't know, nobody does."

"I'll ask you again to tell me what you know." I whispered gently, pressing the end of my gun against him, a knife in my other hand against his throat trapping him. "I'll ask you one more time--" Voice reverent, eyes cold, "--last chance to tell me anything."

Nick shifted uncomfortably behind me, but I payed him no mind. After all, this was between me and a kidnapper.

"Don't you get it yet? You don't find the institute," His eyes were blank emotionless, "The institute finds _you_ \--"

I sliced his throat.

Julius would have appreciated that.

Joshua would have rather I used a bullet to the head.

I kneeled down, gently laying Kellogg's choking head on the floor, and searched his pockets, when I saw it.

I think Joshua would have appreciated the next action I took.

His eyes went wide as my knife went towards his head. "Relax," I cooed brandishing my gun in front of his face, "You still have the back up."

 

\---

 

"Did you have to cut his head open?" Nick wrinkles his nose slightly, watching as I cleaned the blood from my knife and hands, we had made our way back to Diamond City, easily avoiding almost any attempt at conversation with each other, right until the moment I had decided to look a tad more presentable. I rolled my eyes, wrapping the wound I had received from a feral ghoul and shot him a look. I pulled out the piece of brain matter I had cut out, and showed him the tech that had been installed.

"Doesn't this strike you as strange?" I placed it back in my bag at Nick's disgusted look, "I saw it curling around his ear and into his head."

"That reminds me," Nick mumbled, holding the door open to his office for me, "Did you really have to taunt the man?"

"Yes." I stated.

"Did you really have to--" He makes a gesture, sliding his finger across his open circuited neck, his back to his assistant so she didn't see.

"Yes." I replied easily.

"And the whole bullet thing?" 

"Less than he deserved, but I think my husband would have rather I did it that way, then the way I wanted to."

"Husband?" A familiar voice asked. I couldn't read the look or the emotion that was painted on her face, too consumed in the fact that getting my son back just got a whole lot more complicated. Piper had been curled up in the corner, reading one of Nick's old case files.

I watched Piper with slightly cold eyes, and didn't bother dignify her question with a response. "Anyway," I turned back to Nick, "Come on mister metal for hands, tell me I did good."

The detective snorted. "There's a doctor down in Goodneighbor, she er... specializes in this kind of thing, have you heard of the memory den?"

"Not once." I said.

"Well she may be able to help us find out what Kellogg was hiding, with the help of that chunk brain matter of course."

"Um, pardon me--" Piper interjected, "What's this about a _brain_?"

"Hannibal here--" I bristled, "--decided to go to town on Mr. Mercenary back there."

A cross of my arms and a glare that could melt the sun was what he received for his nickname. "I didn't _eat_ his brain or anything--" Piper gagged a little, "I saw something weird and decided to conduct a lobotomy, there's a _difference_."

"Not a very big one." Nick grumped.

"What did you _do_?" Ellie asked aghast. 

I shrugged, "I saw something weird and investigated, like optimus prime over here."

"I can't turn into a car."

"Not with that attitude you can't"

Nick's shoulders start to shake in silent laughter, his smile barely contained. I grin, it was nice having someone who gets all the jokes you tell. "Anyway," I started, "I'm too wired to take a break, let's head to the memory den."

 

\---

 

"What happened to your husband?" Piper asked me softly.

I paused, after a trip with awkward silence as a third companion, I hadn't expected her to talk to me at all, I had no idea how to deal with her choosing the absolute worst topic she could possibly think of (besides my time in the vault). We were hiding out from some nearby super-mutants (they look like giant ninja turtles) and had to wait until they passed, it had been decided that Piper would be accompanying me to Goodneighbor, meaning Nick would meet us there. It unnerved me how Nick had decided for me, but I knew he probably had a good reason, he had just watched me slit a man's throat and the shoot him in the head, after all. He probably didn't want me to wander into somewhere like the combat zone... _again_.

My eyes flicked to Piper hesitantly. "That's a can of worms you might not want to open up, sugar." I peeked out behind our hiding spot, watching as the hostiles remained searching for us.

"Every can is worth opening." She responds easily, her eyes remaining on me despite my deflection. "Every mystery is worth solving."

I can't help the small snort that escapes me, however, one look at Piper reveals how serious she is about this. I rub at my jaw, scratching at the soft skin just below my ear and consider her for a moment. "It's been about a month since I left vault 111 and found my husband with a bullet somewhere it shouldn't have been." Iced lips, frosted hair, frozen expression. "Talk about a _chilly_ surprise huh?"

Piper watches me with a shake of her head. "Those jokes you make, the ones about the cold-- does that have to do with him?"

Suddenly I'm back there, pounding on the glass door and yelling for Joshua to be careful, screaming myself hoarse that he has a gun. I snap myself out of it quickly grunting softly, and rub at my gloved hands, I had cut myself pretty bad on one of the pieces of ice that had stuck onto the window I continuously slammed my palms into. 

"Not... Not exactly." I shake my head, curly hair falling into my face. "More like an inside joke, I guess I'm the only one left who'd understand it." A hand met my shoulder, a gentle squeeze allowing me to escape the woes in my head. I chewed on my lips, peaking out from behind our destroyed wall of concrete, "The turtle's are gone, let's head out."

" _Blue_." Piper says, her voice was gentle, like she wanted me to know that she would be here for me. She blinked suddenly, her mind catching up with her mouth. "Did you just call super mutants turtles?"

I laughed. "It's a pre-war thing, sugar, have you seen the old teenage mutant ninja turtle comics?"

Piper tugged on her hat, watching me with curious eyes as she followed me out of our cover. "Can't say I have." She said honestly. "Do you think I would have liked them?" Her question catches me momentarily off guard, and I stand there for a moment, just watching her tilt her head. 

I swallow the sudden lump in my throat. My smile is brittle at first, but the more I look at her the more genuine it seems to get. "Yeah Pipes, I think you might have." I shrug suddenly, my smile transforming into a smirk, "Although, if you like books I think you'd be more of a Veronica Mars kind of gal, maybe Nancy Drew." I hop over a random piece of rubble, wordlessly helping Piper over it. "But if you want to read a comic book, maybe Jessica Jones. She always was kind of my favorite--" I pause, eyeing Piper, "She reminds me of you, with the whole helping people thing."

She blinks, her face flushing slightly as she smiles down at me. Piper grips my hand, hopping down from the rubble with relative ease, "Sweet talking me huh? Flattery isn't gonna get you very far on it's own Blue."

"Who says that's the only gun in my arsenal?" I quip, Piper laughs, and for a moment it feels like everything might turn out alright. That feeling last until about two seconds later, when my companion points out the flashy lights. 

We had arrived at Goodneighbor.

Walking through the door was an easy task, simple, no issue-- it was what happened as soon as we entered that made my blood boil.

A man, bruises littering his cheeks and forehead, grinned predatorily at the two of us, swaggering up to me and Piper like he would get away with whatever came out of his mouth. I already didn't like him and all he did was stand in front of me. 

"Hello ladies," His grin was wolfish. "First time in Goodneighbor?"

I placed a hand on my hip pulling out the knife I used to kill Kellogg and absentmindedly started to flip it up and down. A sneer worked it's way onto my face as I examined him, bald head, some out of fashion dirty leather outfit, I had this guy pegged the second he opened his mouth. "Come close and find out." I said haughtily, catching the switchblade and moving to examine the dried blood under my fingernails. "Course the last guy that did that, well," a snicker, "let's just say his throat hurts a little."

"What did you hit him?" The man scoffs, " _Sure_."

"Nah," I responded, looking him in the eye, "I only slit his throat a _little_ bit."

Piper stiffens beside me, but I pay no attention to her, it's never a good idea to take your eyes off a rabid dog.

He sneers, crossing his arms. "Listen doll, here's what's going to happen, your going to give me everything in those pretty pockets of yours--" His eyes flicker to my pip-boy, "--and maybe, accidents don't start happening."

"That a threat bud?" I peaked at him from under my eyelashes, "I haven't killed anybody in about three hours, I'm sure that'll change real quick if you keep pressing where you aren't wanted."

He snarled moving forward, only to be interrupted by a loud slow clap. A ghoul stepped forward from the steps he stood on, dressed to the nines in what looked like real Hamilton style clothing. "Whoa whoa, time out--" He swaggers forward, his confidence lazy and graceful. "--someone steps through the gate the first time, they're a guest. You lay off that extortion crap."

The leather clad man scoffed out loud. "What d'you care? She ain't one of us--" He gestured toward me petulantly, as if he was a child complaining about not playing with his favorite toy.

I gripped my knife and moved forward, suddenly murderous, only to have Piper grip my elbow and pull me back. "Don't Blue." She mumbled, making me huff, yet stay still.

"No love for your mayor, Finn? I said let 'em go." The ghoul's raspy voice took a turn, the laughter in his voice turning serious.

Finn's sneer was an ugly thing, "You're soft, Hancock. You keep letting outsiders walk all over us, one day there'll be a new mayor."

Hancock laughed a little, walking forward with his palms extended, a glint of silver in the back of his belt made me smile. "Come on man--" He rasped softly, "--This is _me_ we're talking about. Let me tell you something." Hancock showed his arms, placing one on top of Finn's shoulder, before reaching behind him. A quick couple of movements, some truly disgusting squelch sounds, and Finn was lying on the floor groaning out loud.

The ghoul leaned down, a pout on his irradiated lips. "Now why'd you have to go and say that, huh? Breaking my heart over here." He sneered a little, standing up and wiping his bloodied hands on his already red coat. "You all right, sister?" He asked.

"Gotta say, a little better now, thanks for that." 

Hancock smiled adjusting his colonial hat, "Good. Now don't let this _incident_ \--" he glanced down at Finn, "--taint your view of our little community. Goodneighbor's of the people for the people, you feel me? _Everyone's_ welcome." 

"Wonderful." I mumbled grinning with my teeth. "Your name wouldn't happen to be John would it?"

"History buff I'm guessin'?" He smiled, "Yup, the name's John Hancock." He turned to leave, "See you sister, try not to get into anymore fights."

I sighed a little smiling after him. 

"What's got you so smile-y?" Piper asked, her face unreadable.

A shrug of my shoulders was all she got, until her stare became a little unbearable. I laughed, leading her to the memory den, "Let's just say he reminds me of someone."

Julius would have loved this place.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if it's not clear, hancock reminded sole of her brother


	6. in a land away from Oz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Sole Survivor cracks open a mind, and struggles with an unnatural sea.

The memory den was a strange place. Red satin and leather decorated the inside, the occasional stranger residing in strange pod-like stations, eye wide open and focused on something that wasn't there. It was hard to tell whether or not I liked it. Either way, it didn't matter much, not to me anyway, I wasn't here to remember-- not like so many others. It was hard to deny the temptation however, that came with the time spent in the building. I could see my brother again, if only for a short time, I could see my husband, apologize to his living body (or a shade of it) rather than the cold dead thing I was forced to cry over. 

I'm only partly ashamed to admit that I zoned out a little while Nick was talking to the good doctor, only listening when I received a nudge from Piper's elbow. 

What happened after is something I'd like to keep deep inside my mind, wrapped in anything from chains to metal walls, as long as it was away from every other memory I had, I would be fine. But it was hard, you know? Watching a man I had believed to be the incarnate of evil go from abused child to abusing man. I could feel everything Kellogg had in the moments I saw, the terror, the shame, the burning hatred and anger for a man I hadn't seen. 

I could see the love he had for his wife and their child, and the contempt he had for me and Joshua, 'another job' is what comes to mind when he see's us, 'just another job.'

Then there's Shaun. He's ten. He's ten and he looks absolutely nothing like his father.

It's a little jarring, how much he looks like a young Julius. (How much he looks like me, my mother, my father--)

There is almost nothing of Josh in him, only his eyes, golden brown with odd little green flecks. Everything else is me, dark curly hair, gentle curve of the jaw, ridiculously sharp nose and mouth (though on Shaun, it doesn't look so ridiculous.) He even had dimples, it was such a strange sight-- like getting blast to the past or future, I couldn't really distinguish the difference, I blink and I see Jules, then I see Josh-- and it's almost stupid how much seeing Shaun grown up makes me shake.

Then I see Kellogg again, and I am gone. I know only what he thinks of me and my family and then I learn that--

He _respected_ me. 

It's such a strange concept that I had to grasp, that such a terrible man respected what I was doing, and hated the part that he had in hindering it. I couldn't say anything, couldn't think when I find that Kellogg hoped that I would take down the Institute, that I would raise the wasteland to hell, more than it already was.

It kind of made me want to return to sanctuary and just, _sit_ there for the rest of my life. Spite, anger, pettiness, call it what you want, but I didn't want to give Kellogg anything now that he was dead. 

Piper's cussing up a storm, I must not be as good at hiding my sorrowful expression as I thought. "Jesus, fuck, Blue are you alright?" Asking me things like that, what does she expect me to tell her? The truth? I'm no good at that, no good at all.

"Hey there, take it easy--" Doctor Amari raises her hands, "--I don't know what types of side effects the procedures might have caused... No one's ever _done_ this before, how do you feel?"

"I'm okay Doctor," I find myself saying, and then add like an afterthought, "Thank you."

"That's good." She replies, "But I want you to keep monitoring yourself, we have to be sure there's no long term damage." She looks hesitant then. "Are you ready to talk about what happened in there?"

"We got what we came for." I say shortly, looking down at my hands. "The institute brings a whole new meaning to the 'beam me up Scotty' and all."

"Yes." The doctor says after rolling her eyes. "Their greatest secret has finally been revealed. But that only leads to more questions. How does it work? Where do we go next?"

"That scientist Kellogg was supposed to track down, Virgil. I need to find him." I start to move forward.

"Hold on--" Piper interrupts when I stumble, "--take it easy Blue." Her hazel eyes are tight with the type of emotion that makes me dizzy.

"She's right." Doctor Amari chimes in, "A rogue institute scientist could answer all kinds of questions..." She furrows her brow. "Where did the memory say he was? The Glowing Sea? That doesn't make sense, no one goes there, not even if they were desperate."

"I don't suppose it's called the Glowing Sea because of the fluorescents?" I try, cracking a slightly bitter smile.

"Nah Blue, radiation." Piper says, not too helpfully. Her smile is miles too wide when I shoot her an annoyed look.

"If you're going to go, be prepared." The doctor watches Piper with an odd degree of amusement, "You'll need some way to combat the radiation. It's called the Glowing Sea for a reason."

"Right." I state. "If Virgil's there, I need to find him."

"Good luck." Doctor Amari says after a moment. "And... be safe." She looks worried, like I may start spouting useless nonsense, or might mistake myself for the man that started this mess in the first place.

"Cornelia." I say softly, I look her in the eye, and a desperate clambering of emotion almost makes me fall over. "Please call me Nell." I murmur, looking around. "Where's Valentine?"

The doctor watches me hesitantly. "He's upstairs, waiting for you--" She says something else, something about the institute and teleportation and just how fascinating everything is, and I feel my expression go murderous.

I look away so she doesn't see me. "Right." I interrupt, "I'm going to go find Nick."

I stumble away, and Piper responds by placing a hand on my shoulder. She steadies me, looking me up and down like she's trying to figure a way out to help me. It's hard to appreciate her sometimes, but I know I do. "You know--" She starts, her voice slightly disbelieving, expression wistful. "--you are some kinda dedicated. I wouldn't want to share a beer with Kellogg, let alone a brain."

I feel out of my body, my legs and arms too long or too short, cotton mouthed and wide-eyed. It's like I'm watching myself move, watching myself lean a little into Piper's hand. Her words comforted me in a way that I hadn't felt since before the vault. It was nice for a moment, before I realized Doctor Amari was just standing there, watching with an awkward, yet knowing, smile. 

I swallowed, and started out of the room, Piper following behind.

How strange. How odd is it that I am moving into her, unstoppable and unrepentant. 

I don't quite know what to make of it, and I don't have to, not now. 

Nick sits in one of the chairs, and when he opens his mouth it isn't his voice that comes out.

"Hope you got what you were looking for inside my head." He smiles in such a way that looks strange on Nick's face, "Heh. I was right. Should've killed you when you were on ice."

Rage. Rage and rage and rage and rage and rage.

I don't know if you could tell, but I was profoundly angry.

"What was that?" My expression was something you'd see before you died, the face of a murderer, a torturer. "What did you just say?"

Just like that Nick snaps out of it, his cocky bloodthirsty expression changes, melts into wide-eyed confusion. "What?" He sounds uncharacteristically panicked, "What are you talking about?"

I blink, any shred of anger I have melting out of my body. "Wait. Were you just playing a joke on me?"

"Kind of not cool Nicky." Piper interjects, tilting her head and frowning, crossing her arms over her chest.

Nick says nothing at first, deliberating, "Guess that's for you to wonder and me and Kellogg's memories to know for sure." He says, humming. 

"Right-on." Rolling my eyes, "Good for you Mr. Plastic-for-brains."

"I'll have you know it's the finest plastic in the Commonwealth." Valentine protested with a smug grin, "Better than ice-cubes, that's one thing." His joke goes right over Piper's head. I realize suddenly, that Piper and Doctor Amari could only _hear_ what I had gone through, they had not truly seen anything-- Piper did not know what happened in vault 111 quite yet, and she had not figured it out. I couldn't quite distinguish whether or not that's a good thing.

"Yeah, _yeah_ old timer." I snort after a second, ignoring the odd looks I receive for responding a beat out of turn. "Tell me again when someone pours water on your neural processor and you need to phone a handy-man."

Nick laughs a little, his face turning up into what looked like a stiff smile. That's how he smiles when he's joking. I grin back, I'm starting to learn that if you met him you'd never be able to tell if his grin was genuine, not until you hang around with him a little at least. 

It's nice having someone around who sort of just, _gets_ it. 

"Find anything useful?" Valentine asks, his voice slightly gruffer. That's how he sounds when he's solemn, careful. 

"Only that I have to track down some old institute runaway." I brush off, "I'll figure it out."

"Oh?" Nick looked curious.

"In the Glowing Sea." Piper adds.

" _Oh_." He recoils a little. "Makes sense," He adds after a thought, "Nobody goes to the Glowing Sea, perfect little last resort hidey hole, I suppose."

"Mhmm." I answer with a tiny shrug. "I'm going to head back to Sanctuary..." I frown, "Well, after I talk to that mayor fella, Hancock." 

"Need some help?" Piper asked.

"Nah." I responded with a little shrug. "Shouldn't be too bad a trip-- I have some power armor back with Dogmeat." I smile a little fondly, "And I'm not really gonna go around asking anyone who could bleed if they wanna head on a little field trip to certain death."

"I can't bleed." Nick adds.

"Oil doesn't count, tin-man."

"Oh haha, wizard of Oz references, you think you're slick." Valentine retorted. "Though you do strike me as a friend of Dorothy every once 'n a while, wonder how your going to react to Magnolia at the third rail."

"Magnolia?" I ask after rolling my eyes.

"Betty Boop meets Skeeter Davis." Nick added helpfully.

"Magnolia." I say, nodding appreciatively.

Nick and I stare at each other for a few seconds, before laughter overcomes our composure. Piper looked at us, utterly confused, and I couldn't really blame her. 

"It's a pre-war thing, darling, I say--" Dramatically draping myself in the chair next Nick, "--I can teach it to ya, if you like."

Valentine snorted. "Watch it there Nell, don't think Piper could handle your suburban style of flirting."

"I don't flirt Nicky darling, I just tell the person where we're going." I pointed out petulantly, "And I wasn't born in Suburbia,"

"Well I'll be damned." Nick whistled, "Climbed your way out?"

"A law degree tends to send you high places."

"And a pretty husband?"

"I wouldn't cry if you died." I said. The words were said jokingly, but the warning was clear. Mentioning Joshua was a line that shouldn't be crossed.

"Neither would I, considering I am physically incapable." Nick responded, not missing a beat. The message was well received.

I smiled a little wider. This was nice.

"I have never been more out of the loop in my life." Piper pointed out, "Though if you're smiling like _that_ , Blue, I don't think I mind."

I freeze.  _What?_

My face burns, and for a moment I can't quite tell why. But then it hits, looking up at the reporter, it smacks my face like a solid punch. I swallow, and smile a little at her, softer than when I was joking with Nick.

Piper blinks, like she's just realized the implications of what she said. "Oh um... Is it hot in here?" She tugs at her collar a little, showing a bit of her neck. "Jeez-Louise, Blue. Where do you get off, looking at a girl like _that_?"

Nick coughs.

The reporter goes pink once more.

"Right-on." I clear my throat a little, and stand up. "I'm... I'm going to go see Mayor Hancock."

I flee the scene before anybody could say anything else.

* * *

If I had been a more confident person, perhaps I wouldn't have run away from the whole 'Piper might be flirting' thing like a grade-schooler with pre-puberty crush. Or, maybe it my husband's death hadn't been more fresh, I would of summed up the any of the courage I used while dealing with the wasteland, and managed to actually come up with a _good_ excuse on why I had to do the skedaddle. Unfortunately, for me and Piper both, I am not a very brave woman, at least-- not when it comes to things like people and possible emotions. 

As a matter of fact, it took me about three years for me to realize I was attracted to Josh, and about another three before I actually did anything about it. It's a terrible existence, being afraid of someone's shadow. Not that it mattered much anymore, considering that everyone now-a-days had a better reason to be scared. 

On the Brightside, I actually did manage to speak to Hancock, and through some kind of witchery and tom-foolery, I convinced him to join me. (Actually now that I reflect on it, it was more _him_ trying to convince _me_ to let him come along.) John was an odd man, odd ghoul, he was a tad too addicted to chems and the possibility of freedom-- but he was comforting. He reminded me of another person in another time. 

Though, perhaps my brother wasn't as bloodthirsty as my new companion. 

It didn't matter much to me that Hancock was similar to Jules, mainly because I knew that they were different people, a fact I learned about ten minutes into wandering the wasteland with him. The differences in personality threw me, but felt even more comforting than the similarities. It was nice, having a friend because he was a friend, and not because he reminded me of my very dead brother. 

When I told him about my plan to head to the Glowing Sea, for some reason he had been adamant on joining me, a fact that I suspected was simply because nobody else was about to do what I was, and he wasn't about to miss out on the adventure. When I told him that, told him that it wasn't thrill seeking that I was chasing after, he got real quiet for a moment-- and even though I'd only known him so long, I knew that his silence held a real significance.

"Listen up sister, and listen up good." He rasped, looking me right in the eyes. It was almost hard to take him seriously, considering the fact he was covered in Supermutant guts. "It ain't no secret that I'm out here because it's never good for a person to sit in my chair too long-- doesn't help that I've had more fun with you then I had for a real long time, but don't mistake me for no deadbeat adrenaline junky who doesn't give a damn about the people I get to know." He tilted his head. "Well, scratch that part about the adrenaline junky. I think I might have a real problem if I want to follow you to the Glowing Sea."

"Hancock, dude." I said, so thrown I used the word 'dude'. "Thank you. But I can't bring someone along on a suicide mission just because it's convenient for me."

"Well..." He trailed off, "If you don't let me come along, I'm afraid that might be the end of my adrenaline fix, ya know? If you dying is inconvenient for me, who gives a damn about your needs?"

My eyes stayed on his a little longer, and for the life of me I could not find myself wanting to disagree with him. "I have a spare set of power armor in Sanctuary."

"Nice." His grin stretched across his weathered face, "Always wanted to try out a pair."

It became apparent why our destination was dubbed in the section of the Commonwealth called, "The Glowing Sea." The amount of radiation was suffocating, even in our power armor. Hancock, the asshole, didn't seem to mind in the rads, he was a ghoul after all. Me on the other hand, I popped rad-x like the damn pills were skittles, little stale candies that tasted like mud and only saved my life a little bit.

(They saved my life a whole lot, but I was exhausted and needed about fifty bags of rad-away by the time we reached the children of Atom, so excuse me if I whine about it a little bit.)

All the men and women living in the crater were batshit, there was no doubt about it, but my grandmother was Catholic, and I had no doubt that if she had found some way to be closer to God she would have done it. She was always loyal, a trait that skipped a generation in my family. Anyhow, after staving off a few curious sunken eyes, running away from at least ten giant scorpions, and hiding from one Deathclaw or another, we found the cave that the Children of Atom had mentioned. 

"This the place?" Hancock shouted over the radiation storm. 

"It better be." I responded with a groan, "God damn, this shitty cave doesn't even show up on my pip-boy."

We walked in, and I was immediately on edge. Turrets guarded the inside, just by the mouth of the cave, and homemade iron can alarms littered the pathway. I was itching to pull out my guns, my bat, anything-- but the defenses seemed docile, active but not exactly about to load me with bullets.

"Hold it!" A loud gruff voice commanded from the inside. My eyes widened, a Supermutant stood seemingly dressed in torn up clothes and a pair of broken glasses. "Take it nice and slow, no sudden moves..." Was this the famous Virgil? I couldn't be sure, still, I followed his instructions carefully. I didn't want to anger him before I got the chance to get information, but I didn't want to make it easy for him to kill us if it came down to a fight.

"Alright." I said. "We aren't here for a fight."

The Supermutant ignored me. "I know you're from the Institute, so where is Kellogg? Huh? Trying to sneak up on me while you distract me? It's not going to work!" He rumbled, anger cascading from his mouth, fury and fear lacing the tones of his voice. Whoever this man was, he did not think kindly of Kellogg or the Institute. "I'm not stupid," He continued, "I knew they'd send him after me!"

"My man, my er… mutant, he's dead." I said, shifting awkwardly in my power armor.

"Dead? He's... dead?"

"Yeah... I guess you can't really get much news out here, huh?" I added wryly.

"Don't you lie to me!" He rumbled.

"Mr. Virgil, I _know_ he's dead-- see even a man like _that_ can't survive his throat cut open and then a bullet or two in the head..." I pondered my position for a moment. "Even if he could somehow manage all that, I kind of had preform an... emergency lobotomy once I was finished with the whole death thing."

"Did you...?" He shook off his disbelief, "Kellogg was ruthless... There's a reason the Institute used him to do their dirty work for so many years." Virgil, looked away, the skin of his face contorting in an emotion I couldn't quite make sense of. "I knew they'd send him after me; tired to prepare for it. But I still wasn't sure I'd make it." His eyes met mine. "And so you, you killed him, eh? Then what do you want from me?"

I blinked for a moment, it was odd, seeing how easily a man's dynamic would change after you take away the fear for his life. " _Well_ , I'd first like to know why you left the Institute--"

"You know about the escape? But _how_?!" His large green jaw clenched, silent for a moment before he came to a silent conclusion. "No, it doesn't matter. I'm not going back... I _can't_ go back. Look at me--" He gestured to himself, motion angry. "-- _Why_ are you even here? What do you _want_?"

"I need to get inside." I stated firmly.

He looked like he wanted to laugh, or cry. "Wait, what? Are you serious?" He shook his head. "You want to get into the Institute, are you insane?"

"Well I mean, at this point it'd be a shock if I wasn't at least _partially_ \--"

"Never mind how nearly impossible it is," he continued over me, "even if you were to succeed it'd almost certainly end in your immediate death. What reason could you possibly have to take that kind of risk?"

I glared at him a little. "They took my son."

"Oh. Oh no. I had no idea, I'm sorry." He looked genuinely apologetic. "Yeah, the Institute has taken people from the Commonwealth in the past. If your son is one of them, I can understand why you'd want to get in there."

"Don't... Don't worry about it. You didn't know." I said, my lip between my teeth. "Is there any way you can help me?

"I _can_ , but, I'm going to need something in return."

"Name it, babe." I looked up at him eagerly.

"Before I had to escape, I was working on a serum that would serve as a cure for my... condition." He looked oddly sheepish. "I wasn't able to take it with me, it's still in my lab, and... Well, look at me, I need it--"

"Done, my man." I grinned, tired and a little bloodthirsty. "Now, aren't you gonna tell me what I have to do?"

Virgil looked vaguely unsettled, but rattled on the details of how I'd get in. The more he said, the more dread filled my heart. This was not going to be easy.

* * *

"Hello General." Preston greeted, expression jubilant, before he noticed my bruised and bloody face. "Oh--" He looked panicked, "--do you need help?!"

Hancock snorted. "What does it look like, soldier boy?"

"M'fine!" I insisted, "I need to talk to Sturges!"

"What happened?" Preston asked Hancock, ignoring me.

"You'd have to ask the dead Deathclaw, gunners, and courser that question." The ghoul snorted. "All three got in good hits before she told me what happened."

"I'm fine!" I said, clearer this time. "Need to get the plans to Sturges--"

"I can hand that, General." Preston insisted, before turning to Hancock. "You should get her to one of the doctors, or at the very least a bed and a couple stimpacks."

He grunted in response, handing my lieutenant the things we had gotten from Virgil, and led me to one of the houses I had helped build the last time I was here. "Get some rest, sister--" My vision blurred, "--you'll be right as rain in the morning... or as right as rain can be now-a-days."

I mumbled something, I don't quite remember what, but the words clearly through Hancock off his rhythm. Tomorrow, I'd worry about what I said, tomorrow, I'd fix whatever new problem I had just created-- tomorrow, I'd do all of that tomorrow. But today, I smiled (a weak defeated little thing) and promptly fell asleep.

My dreams were lucid, bright, and technicolor. Half my mind dreamt of my family, the good members and the bad, and the other dreamt of the new world I had woken up in, the wasteland plagued every part of me, no matter how much the pre-war part of me insisted on reliving itself. I felt weak and light headed, doing every day things would flicker in and out of after and before.

I'd be smiling at Shaun, making him giggle in his crib with that stupid thing that Joshua had never quite got to fixing. I'd place the pads of my fingers on his little cheeks, caressing the soft skin there lovingly, my other hand gripping on the polished bright blue wood-- before the crib would shift, turning dirty and battered, Shaun still left laughing on top of a small dirty mattress. 

Joshua would be laughing in the kitchen, attempting to tease Codsworth despite the Mr. Handy responding obliviously. Joshua would go from living, cheeks flushed red and eyes bright with mirth, to dead smile still framing his frozen cheeks and lips, a bullet hole between the eyes. I couldn't do anything, couldn't scream, only laugh along to his rattling breaths, watching as Codsworth went from shiny and new, to rusted and fritzing-- the kitchen losing parts of the walls before gaining them back, shifting in and out of before and after.

As nightmares go, it was not one that was unexpected. 

It was after all, the same one I had been having for weeks. 

Before the vault, I often said that most dreams had no real merit, it was the ones that made you sweat-- the ones where the memories of your nights stay with you for what feels like an eternity, that contain any real value. 

But then again, Julius had always called me someone who participated actively in 'self-harm' though it was not physical. Either way, a part of me felt grateful for the nightmares, it was the only time I could ever see my husband alive, even if it only lasted for about two seconds. 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> i love piper, that's all you need to know for this story honestly


End file.
